Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
