I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
