This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
