I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
