youre lurking in front of me
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
