everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
