Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
