Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
