Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
