I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize