Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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