after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
