I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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