The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
