He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
