I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
we should paint friendship bongs
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
