she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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