I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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