There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
