And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
