his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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