her vagine was all disorganized.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
