at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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