so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
