I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
