Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
thus making me awesome and them whores
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
