Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
