Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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