did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
