i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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