What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
