Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
