"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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