What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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