remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just cropdusted the office
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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