i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
