I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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