He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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