omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
