Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
