sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
