Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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