Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
