i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
