I look better un-naked...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
