When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
