I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The uberlube is also flammable
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
