Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
