nut hugger
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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