Just fell off a train. Bad.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
