you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
