She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
