What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
