3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
