We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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