You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
