You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
