Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize