First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
