Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need moral support for this bender
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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