the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
