I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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