Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think my mom watched the whole time
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
