I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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