Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
