Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Randomize
