dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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