You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
