Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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