didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
