I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
