BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I party with great urgency now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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